Caregiving Decisions—Not in Crisis, Please!
Most caregiving decisions are made in crisis. No one wants their parent/spouse/friend to need caregiving. We want to believe that everything will stay the same, and our parent will be able to continue to stay in their home on their own as long as they choose.
Often a medical crisis changes things very quickly–a stroke, a fall, an accident. But even if a parent is aging and has a chronic diagnosis (diabetes, coronary disease, etc.), we seem surprised when independence and living situation finally require change. I just heard a social worker say that he gets calls from adult children saying they were not expecting this medical/housing crisis with their parent, even though the parent is over 90 years old. We do not like to think about or plan for difficult situations.
So what are we to do to prepare? Family discussion is a great beginning. This is also usually difficult. Unless everyone is comfortable with emotionally-charged discussions, this one is usually avoided. Trying to convey what kind of home-based help or housing you might be willing to accept may not be welcomed by your future caregivers. Everyone knows there will be an end to life, but no one looks forward to enduring physical or mental incapacity before that final event. Here are some helpful resources to begin the process.
Senior Housing
Local resources may be a great place to start the evaluation process. If you do not have any idea of what kind of living situations are available, try to find a local senior housing guide. There usually are a wide range of different housing options from independent living to skilled nursing facilities (nursing homes) and everything in-between. Services range from none to meals, cleaning, personal care and medical care. Exploring choices before the crisis gives you more options.
Senior in-home services
If you want to age in place and stay in your home as long as possible, investigate what in-home services are available in your area. A good beginning source might be http://www.eldercare.gov/ from the US Administration on Aging.
Evaluating what caregiving services are needed
This local Area Agency on Aging Long-Term Care Choices Navigator asks questions to help determine what services are needed and where you might find them. This specific example is from the Minnesota Area Agency on Aging, but is a helpful framework for looking at areas of need in general.
Professional help
Overwhelmed at the thought of evaluating what is needed, finding the services and discussing it with the family? A care manager may be the professional to contact. These former social workers, nurses, counselors and gerontologists work with families to complete all these tasks. These professionals can be paid by you, the client, or the service providers. for more info: http://www.eldercare.gov/ .
Do-It-Yourself Guide for Caregiving
This Caregiving Choices PDF looks at how to help yourself as a caregiver, how to assess what services are needed, how to organize the information you have or still need, how to evaluate legal and financial issues and much more. This example includes information on national and Minnesota-based services.
Out-of-State Caregiving
http://www.ecarediary.com/ provides a way for families to stay connected and organized even if some of the family members (including the loved one needing care) are out-of-state. So valuable!
This may not be a fun activity to pursue, but if you can force yourself to just do a little research, it will pay off if you ever need to make those quick crisis decisions. Winter is a great time for indoor research…
